The Breakup Report
The breakup was messy and painful. But, I learned a lot.
I know Lance's philosophy on breaking up with a girl in a way that's as unpainful as possible. Looking at it from that perspective, I did everything all wrong. But I wanted to do it that way ... For experience, I suppose. I don't regret it, but I'll certainly avoid doing it this way as much as I can in the future.
I basically told her ... straight up ... This isn't working for me.
She cried. And I did the whole comforting her thing. Holding her while she cried on my shoulder. (Bad.)
She told me she really likes me a lot. That she's never had so much fun with a guy she's dated, and that she'd never find another guy like me. That other guys who want to be with her just don't do it for her. (I suppose, in a sick way that kind of stroked my male ego. But at the same time, I could see she was really in real pain.)
We sat there for at least 10 minutes. And then she finally reached for the door. Her hand lingered ... and we both felt the tension build. It was almost as if we both knew ... "When I open this door, it's all over." Her hand lingered there for a long, long time.
And then she opened the door. We said goodbye. And she left.
Wow. *Phew*
This was my first "real" LTR since starting with the "community."
I know I messed up setting our relationship's expectations since the beginning ... She was much closer than I was the whole time. (Which is probably the real problem ... Breaking up isn't the issue, it's the fact that she was so close that was the real problem.)
I don't suppose I logically learned anything I haven't heard Lance talk about before, but it's amazing how real something becomes after you've personally experienced it, as opposed to just knowing it logically.
(One key mistake I noticed was answering her calls every day. Even in the beginning, when we were seeing each other every 1+1/2 week, answering her calls every day just kills the distance I was trying to create.)
Anyway.
I learned a lot ... It was certainly very, very, messy, but I wouldn't change anything. It was very valueable experience.
Lessons Learned:
1) Breakup "Soft"
2) Set the relationship better
(Lessons Experienced may be a better term.)
Anyway. Cheers =)
I know Lance's philosophy on breaking up with a girl in a way that's as unpainful as possible. Looking at it from that perspective, I did everything all wrong. But I wanted to do it that way ... For experience, I suppose. I don't regret it, but I'll certainly avoid doing it this way as much as I can in the future.
I basically told her ... straight up ... This isn't working for me.
She cried. And I did the whole comforting her thing. Holding her while she cried on my shoulder. (Bad.)
She told me she really likes me a lot. That she's never had so much fun with a guy she's dated, and that she'd never find another guy like me. That other guys who want to be with her just don't do it for her. (I suppose, in a sick way that kind of stroked my male ego. But at the same time, I could see she was really in real pain.)
We sat there for at least 10 minutes. And then she finally reached for the door. Her hand lingered ... and we both felt the tension build. It was almost as if we both knew ... "When I open this door, it's all over." Her hand lingered there for a long, long time.
And then she opened the door. We said goodbye. And she left.
Wow. *Phew*
This was my first "real" LTR since starting with the "community."
I know I messed up setting our relationship's expectations since the beginning ... She was much closer than I was the whole time. (Which is probably the real problem ... Breaking up isn't the issue, it's the fact that she was so close that was the real problem.)
I don't suppose I logically learned anything I haven't heard Lance talk about before, but it's amazing how real something becomes after you've personally experienced it, as opposed to just knowing it logically.
(One key mistake I noticed was answering her calls every day. Even in the beginning, when we were seeing each other every 1+1/2 week, answering her calls every day just kills the distance I was trying to create.)
Anyway.
I learned a lot ... It was certainly very, very, messy, but I wouldn't change anything. It was very valueable experience.
Lessons Learned:
1) Breakup "Soft"
2) Set the relationship better
(Lessons Experienced may be a better term.)
Anyway. Cheers =)
posted by Dare at 1:19 AM
2 Comments:
Breaking up's fucking tough. And yeah, I had the same thing with my ex.
I wouldn't have had to break up if I hadn't set the frame of the relationship like I did. If there had been more freedom outside the relationship, I'd just spend more time outside the relationship, instead of spending it inside (creating distance).
But now, I didn't feel what I should've been feeling to stay in a monogamous relationship. It wasn't fair for her, and it wasn't good for me either.
Cheers to that.
Well, I'm looking forward to my next adventure =)
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